


Love in the Dark

by cumaliciouslarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bottom Harry, Cheating Louis, Closeted Relationship, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Harry is slightly depressed, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, One Shot, Popular!Louis, Sad Ending, Top Louis, Vulnerable Harry, i guess, seriously Louis is an asshole, there's not any explicit smut though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8907910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cumaliciouslarry/pseuds/cumaliciouslarry
Summary: Harry continues to love Louis in the dark until he can't anymore.





	

It’s rushed and hot. It’s silent and heavy. It’s lust and pain. It’s what Louis needs and what Harry craves. It’s never enough, though. It will never be enough.

 

\--

Harry liked to believe that he was strong and resilient. He once was, when his head was full of all his wildest dreams and highest hopes. But watching the rise and fall of the chest of the boy sleeping next to him, he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. All he’s come to know is the ache deep in his bones and heart. 

 

The clock next to him blinks 2:45 a.m. He allows himself a minute before gently running his hands through Louis’ hair to wake him. It takes six minutes for Louis to finally open his eyes to stare at the ceiling letting out a quiet sigh. 

 

Harry watches Louis’ nude back as he gets up. He turns around, back to Louis and doesn’t bother to wipe away his tears. It’s the same every time. With a kiss on the back of Harry’s neck, he’s gone. 

 

\--

Harry dreads school. He loathes everything about it, but mostly the fact that he’s got at most two friends and twice the amount of people who hate him. He never gets severely bullied- mostly a shove and push once in awhile.

 

He’s walking down the hallway when he hears a giggle and a high pitched voice and immediately winces. He resolutely doesn’t look up from the floor, which is why he runs into what he was hoping to avoid, books flying from his arms and bodies clashing. 

 

“Oi!” Louis shouts, either mock or genuinely angrily, Harry  _ never _ knows. Harry cringes, “Sorry. Sorry.” He mutters, his hands shaking to grab his journal from the floor before Louis can see. 

 

“You better be. Not hard to look up when walking, freak.” Louis scoffs before getting up, dusting himself off and turning to his girlfriend, Danielle, and walking away complaining loudly and dramatically making her giggle. 

 

Harry squeezes his eyes shut before scurrying off to his classes.

\--

It’s when Louis’ breathing heavily laying his head on Harry’s chest that he brings up the idea. Harry’s hands stop from where they’re buried in Louis’ ruffled hair. “What?” he questions confused. 

 

“Come on, babe. You’ve got the voice, I really think you could win. It could be good for you.” Louis looks up at Harry with his glazed eyes from their earlier activities. Harry hesitantly agrees that he’ll think about it and Louis cheers, throwing a leg over Harry’s torso to straddle him, lips to Harry’s neck. 

\--

Harry’s sitting in the cafeteria going over potential song choices with Liam and Zayn, however they’re proving to be quite useless. 

 

“That’s so cliche,” Harry groans, “ I will not be singing that at the talent show. Half the school already hates me, do you want me to die?”

 

Zayn throws a baby carrot in his direction, “Don’t be so dramatic, Haz. If you won’t take our advice, don’t ask.” 

 

Liam nods, swallowing the sandwich he had been eating, “Just do whatever song you feel the strongest connection to. That’s what makes a great singer, I think.”

 

Harry sighs, eyes finding their way to Louis in his usual table with the jocks and their girlfriends. He’s got his arm around his own, whispering something into her ear. He’s wearing Harry’s jumper and Harry feels sick. Louis looks up at that moment, almost as if he felt the younger boy’s eyes on him. 

 

Louis’ blue eyes harden and there’s a miniscule shake of his head before he’s setting his eyes back on his girlfriend. Harry’s eyes immediately look away, bile rising at the back of his throat. He abruptly stands, muttering some excuse before running to the bathroom, head down in a toilet. 

 

\--

 

Harry’s throat aches and he’s so unbelievably happy his parents are gone for the weekend. There’s tears streaming down his face and a very angry Louis pacing in front of him. 

 

“You’re so stupid! What made you think it was okay to come up to me during Jade’s party? Why in the world would you think that’s okay?” Louis has his hands in the air, face flushed and angered. 

 

Harry wants to plead his innocence. Claim he was drunk and lonely and so so sad. He wasn’t (and still isn’t) sober when he did what he did, but he doesn’t think it warrants this kind of response. No one even saw their interaction- couldn’t have with the way Louis had gripped Harry’s upper arm and dragged him out of the house in a flash. Forcing them to walk to Harry’s home five minutes away.  

 

“I-” But Louis doesn’t let him finish. “No! No! You don’t ever  _ think _ , Harry. You’re so  _ selfish _ . You know I can’t be seen with you. You know what would happen if my step-dad found out. You know what would happen if people at school found out. They’d not only bully me, but you more so than they do now!” 

 

Harry’s sobs only get louder. He knows this, he knows all the dangers that would come to Louis, especially involving his home life. He knows, which is why he’s let this go on so long. Why he lets Louis love him in the dark, away from any prying eyes. 

 

“Stop crying and  _ say _ something!” Louis’ chest is rising heavily, his eyes are wild as he stares down at a broken Harry. 

 

“I- I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m so sorry.” 

 

Louis just grunts in response, walking off to cool down in the kitchen. It’s silent after that except for the sound of Harry’s harsh breathing as he tries to stop crying. The sobbing won’t stop though, and he begins to panic when he finds himself unable to breathe. His fingers dig into his arms as he tries to hold himself together. He hiccups, desperately trying to breathe in through his mouth. 

 

When Louis hears the harsh croaking sound coming from where he left Harry, he rushes back falling to his knees, heart pounding. 

 

“Breathe.”

 

\--

 

It’s been two weeks since the incident at Jade’s party and Harry has had no contact with Louis at all. The only moments he will see him is at school where he struts around happily with Danielle on his arm or when he’s being loud in the cafeteria with his mates. 

 

Harry finds himself slowly shrinking into himself. He feels selfish for the way he’s handled their relationship. For almost outing Louis even when he knows the risks. Liam and Zayn both notice the shift in his behavior, but are never given an answer to their worries. 

 

Louis is in charge of sign up for the talent show to come in three weeks and so he’s sitting at a table while everyone surrounds him, either writing down their own name or asking general questions about it. Harry’s hands shake when he walks past without stopping, despite Louis encouraging him to sign up at first, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea anymore. 

 

\--

 

The thing that Harry has come to understand about himself is that he’s weak. He is absolutely weak and that’s what he thinks when Louis is pushing into him three days later. It’s what he thinks when he comes with a whine and what he thinks when Louis presses kisses on his navel and down his inner thighs. 

 

Usually, Harry and Louis would stay lying together until the latter would fall asleep and Harry would have to wake him. Except Harry hasn’t been the same for a while and finds himself rummaging through his bedside table for the pack of cigarettes he bought the other day. Louis looks confused when he walks to his balcony without a word. 

 

Harry leans on the railing while taking a drag of the cigarette. He doesn’t hear when Louis walks to stand next to him, but he does feel him. Feels the warmth he emits. 

 

“Since when do you smoke?” Louis asks looking straight ahead. Harry shrugs, but doesn’t provide an answer. 

 

“You know my ma died from lung cancer right?” at this Harry turns to face Louis, crude smirk on his face. 

 

“I hope it kills me too.”

 

\--

 

Harry isn’t even surprised or angry to find out that Louis had signed him up for the talent show without his knowledge, but it’s also a week before the show and he has not practiced, let alone chosen, a song. 

 

He’s silent while Zayn and Liam bicker with one another. Liam is just challenging him to a rap battle, when he hears wolf-whistles from the Louis’ table. He’s shocked to see Louis’ tongue in Danielle’s mouth while his hands roam around her body. 

 

While Louis and Danielle have been dating for the better part of a year, he had never had to witness this level of intimacy between them. Louis always made sure that Harry was never around for it because he understood how it made him feel. However, it seems as if he’s forgotten his own rule. 

 

When he pulls away and locks eyes with Harry he doesn’t look the least bit sorry. Harry feels his heart break for the millionth and last time. 

 

\--

 

Harry’s absolutely shitting himself. He’s so nervous for his performance, scared he might screw up. He had a week to perfect his song and while not very long, he hopes it was enough. He can see his mom and dad sitting in the front row right next to Zayn and Liam. 

 

He notices Louis who is sitting in the first row to the side slightly hidden. He’s alone looking slightly less perky than usual. Harry lets himself feel satisfied over it seeing as it took all his willpower to ignore him that entire week.

 

When he’s introduced by some blonde irish kid he feels his stomach lurch. He tries to calm himself before walking to the middle of the stage where the mic stand stood. He smiled slightly at the crowd before the lights dimmed and the music started. 

 

_ Take your eyes off of me so I can leave _ __  
_ I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me _ __  
_ This is never ending, we have been here before _ __  
_ But I can't stay this time cause I don't love you anymore _ __  
_ Please stay where you are _ __  
_ Don't come any closer _ __  
_ Don't try to change my mind _ _  
_ __ I'm being cruel to be kind

 

His eyes were closed when he began, but when he opens them his eyes immediately seek out Louis’. He looks pale, his eyes are wide- pleading. 

 

_ I can't love you in the dark _ __  
_ It feels like we're oceans apart _ __  
_ There is so much space between us _ __  
_ Maybe we're already defeated _ _  
_ __ Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me

 

Harry never once breaks eye contact with Louis. He needs him to know, to understand that Harry can not go on the way they have. Harry’s bruised and battered heart can’t take it anymore. 

 

_ You have given me something that I can't live without _ __  
_ You mustn't underestimate that when you are in doubt _ __  
_ But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine _ __  
_ The longer we ignore it all the more that we will fight _ __  
_ Please don't fall apart _ __  
_ I can't face your breaking heart _ __  
_ I'm trying to be brave _ _  
_ __ Stop asking me to stay

 

When Harry first met Louis, it was the most cliche feeling. If Harry believed in it, he’d say it was love at first sight. He hadn’t known what he’d be getting himself into; too naive to believe that love could leave you feeling broken and empty. He had been too far gone to say no to whatever Louis wanted and maybe if he had things would have turned out different. 

 

_ We're not the only ones _ __  
_ I don't regret a thing _ __  
_ Every word I've said _ __  
_ You know I'll always mean _ __  
_ It is the world to me _ __  
_ That you are in my life _ __  
_ But I want to live _ _  
_ __ And not just survive

 

He hears the applause when he carries the last word out beautifully. It would have warmed his heart considerably, if he hadn’t been watching the tears that began to fall from Louis’ blue eyes.

 

  
_ That's why I can't love you in the dark _ __  
_ It feels like we're oceans apart _ __  
_ There is so much space between us _ __  
_ Maybe we're already defeated _ __  
__  
_ Cause ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me _ __  
_ And I-I-I-I-I don't think you can save me _ __  
  


He gets a standing ovation. His parents applaud with tears in their eyes and his two friends are hollering out their praises to him, yet all he sees is the retreating back of a former lover.

Louis leaves town that following Monday with a fuming father and bruises found everywhere, including his heart. 

Harry leaves behind what he was to become what he wants to be, never in the dark. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! If there's a lot of mistakes I'm sorry I really hate editing but I tried. Feel free to let me know of any of them and I might continue this as chapters, but I say that about everything so who knows! Thanks again. Twitter: @blackroselarry  
> Tumblr: @takeherheartaway


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